In This Issue:

• Monthly Devotional: Enduring Love: Getting Through Tough Times in Marriage

• Fidelity Focus: Popular Opinion: Just Leave!

• Ask Ashes Redeemed: "Some days I love him, some days I hate him. Could I be ‘crazy’?"

• Editor's Pick: 3 Ways to Set Social Boundaries So You Can Confidently Tell Your Story Without Oversharing or “Throwing Your Husband Under the Bus”

• Upcoming December Events & Next Bible Study Sneak Peek!

Endurance

An Invitation to Keep Going, from Elise Park

Welcome to December! Has it been a "long year" for anyone else? Reflecting on my perception of time led me to recall some earlier experiences I had with running.

I used to call any race a marathon. I didn’t know that the term referred specifically to a race that was a 26.2 mile distance. Once, while chatting with some runners, I mistakenly referred to my upcoming 5K (which is 3.1 miles)  as a “marathon” and got a quick education about the differences between the two.

Looking back now, as someone who has completed one half-marathon to date, I know that you can’t go into a 26.2 mile race with 5K preparedness. You’ll gas out, cramp up, and (maybe worst of all) lose your ambition to run at all. 

Marathon running, like triathlon, ultrathon, and others, are called endurance sports because the grit and commitment it takes to carry on, step after step, stroke after stroke, is the unseen glue an athlete needs to see the finish line. Endurance athletes know that it can be hard to make yourself do something you want to do–let alone through something you never even asked for.  

Most of us don't prepare for the types of earth-shattering crises that derail our plans and rock the foundations of our faith. Tragedies, like the sudden loss of a loved one or a betrayal in your marriage, require endurance of us when we are least prepared to practice it. Not only that, but these ordeals don’t come with any of the fun stuff you get when you participate in a race, do they? No welcome packet, tee shirt, or finisher’s medal. There aren’t mile markers telling you how close (or far!) you are from the end. No vendors waiting to shower you with high fives and free goodies for a job well done. And I don’t know about you, but most of us don’t feel like winners for barely surviving these emotional train wrecks, scathed as we may be.

More often than not, when we find ourselves in the middle of a crisis, we’re overwhelmed and under-prepared for the uncertainty ahead. Our nutrition, both spiritually and physically speaking, is lacking; we’re thirsty, tired, and desperate for it to be over.

Maybe you’ve been in such a crisis for months or even years. Maybe it seems like any sense of endurance you may have had at one time has all but evaporated. 

“How do I keep going?” you wonder.

To endure doesn’t mean you’re going at a sprinter’s pace the whole time. Have you ever seen those Ironman finishers crawling across the finish line? I am a thousand times more inspired by the ones who barely make it than the professionals who pump out win after win like a machine. 

The everyday athletes have suffered. They’re bloody and bruised. They’ve fought hard for their finish. 

They’re the ones who make me think… “Maybe I can do it too…”

I like what Thomas Merton says about our spiritual discipline. He encourages Christians to not grow weary in their faith, comparing our dedication (our endurance) to the breath in our physical bodies. 

“[Breathing] renews life by repelling stagnation. It is a constant, quiet, peaceful revolution against death. [...] The act of breathing keeps the spiritual soul united to a material body whose very matter tends to always corrupt and decay…”

If you’re having a hard time staying motivated to keep going, remember that just by taking your next breath, you are resisting the forces against you. 

Simply filling your lungs with air is your quiet revolution, pressing against the heaviness around you. 

Even if it’s all you can do, breathe. 

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

–Galatians 6:9

Enduring Love: Getting Through Tough Times in Marriage

Monthly Devotional & Journal Prompt | By Jennifer Kwiatkowski, CPC, ELI-MP, CWDS

We all know that marriage isn't always smooth sailing. Right from the start, there's an understanding that life with your partner comes with its challenges. Some of us, however, might not have anticipated the extent of what we'd have to face in our relationships, especially when infidelity creeps in. Regardless of the situation we're dealing with, it takes a lot of strength and patience to heal and move forward.

Today, let's talk about something that many of us have experienced—dealing with the tough seasons in marriage. Life's path often leads us through difficult moments, and when family or marital issues arise, it can be especially hard on our emotions, stamina, and faith. After all, we pour so much of our hearts and hopes into our relationships. It's when things feel like they're falling apart that we need a special kind of determination.

Sometimes, what causes marriage heartache is a disconnect between our initial dreams (which may have been perfectly reasonable) and the reality we face. Some women are choosing to stay and work through issues, while others may be considering separation or divorce. No matter where you find yourself, remember that strength shows in the effort to grow and heal because God meets us right where we are and honors our faith that He can make good come out of strife.

The Bible, in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us, "Two are better than one... If either of them falls, one can help the other up." While companionship is a primary goal in marriage relationships, we also know that sometimes partners fall short. Whether it's a small misstep or a more serious breach, we are reminded that helping each other is still important. This help might involve prayer, being honest about our perceptions and fears, and refusing to brush things under the rug. It also might involve a tremendous amount of grace and patience, which can be difficult when we are extraordinarily disappointed in the dynamics of the relationship.

Regarding endurance, 1 Peter 4:8 encourages us to "love each other deeply," as love can smooth over many wrongs. Enduring tough times in marriage involves deep love, setting boundaries for self-protection, forgiving for your own healing, and letting your partner’s imperfections teach you about your own deficiencies. These scriptures remind us that this kind of love and endurance applies even in deep hurt.

Hearing about your marital journeys…the way you face challenges and choose to love despite difficulties deeply inspires me. Your commitment to understanding your partner’s perspective or challenges, and your determination to love in hard times is a powerful example of what enduring love looks like.

Practically speaking, how can we stand strong in a difficult marriage?

• First, lean on the Scriptures for wisdom and guidance, like in James 1:5.

• Second, communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and dreams for the relationship.

• Third, remember that endurance isn't about avoiding conflict but confronting it together.

• Finally, we welcome you to find strength in our Ashes Redeemed community, where you’ll be understood and supported by women who truly care.

As Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This includes getting through tough marital times with faith.

As a Christian woman, ultimately, we pray that our marriage relationships—or the healing after a separation—reflect love's enduring power despite life's challenges.

For this month's journaling exercise, consider:

What does "endurance" in your marriage look like for you right now?

We invite you to share your reflections with us in our private community! If you're not already a member, you can join us (no charge).

Existing Members Log In Here | Not A Member Yet? Join Here

Popular opinion: "Just leave!"

Fidelity Focus | by Elise Park, PCC, CWDS, ELI-MP

The Fidelity Focus article is our take on articles, books, podcasts, and other widely available resources that a woman may encounter as she equips herself in protecting her marriage, her faith and her family.

“Honestly? Just walk away. Anything that is that much hard work and causes that much pain is not worth it. Life really is too short. With kids, finances, and dreams - leave and make your own peace…”

Choosing to fight for your marriage isn't always the popular option. I’ve had at least three recent conversations with Believing women who told me they’ve lost friends and family relationships because they decided to fight for their marriage after discovering their husband had been emotionally or physically unfaithful. Navigating betrayal is not a straightforward path, and I’m not here to shame anyone for choices made in the aftermath of such heartache. AND…can we recognize that for those who have entered into the covenant of marriage–which includes a Holy God–we have a supernatural vantage point to consider before throwing in the towel?

There is plenty of advice out there telling you to get even, give up, and move on.

But what if in all your hurting, you sense the Holy Spirit stirring in you a divine desire for not just answers, but for revelation? Maybe you’ve heard the testimonies of men and women who have experienced God’s transformative grace in their marriage and still desire that for yourself and your husband. Maybe you’re not yet ready to give up on the idea that you could still experience the type of holy matrimony you thought you’d signed up for in the first place.

Your faith might be foggy right now. That’s OK. God can handle it. Your heart might be faint right now. That's OK. God can handle that, too. You might not even know what to ask for, and guess what? Our Heavenly Father knows what we need, even before we ask. Mt. 6:32

Don’t try to force your way out of your feelings, sister. Get quiet, get with God, and get ready for revelation. It’s coming.

“I’ve learned that you can only praise God to the degree you have lamented.” -Rebecca

Ask Ashes Redeemed

Ask Ashes Redeemed is our reader's opportunity. to have their anonymously submitted questions answered by our panel of experts.

Submit your question here.

"Every day feels different. Some days I love him, some days I hate him. Some days I feel sorry for him, some days I want him to suffer. Could I be ‘crazy’?”

If you're feeling tossed around by your emotions after experiencing betrayal, you're not alone. Many Christian women ask, "Am I going crazy?" The answer is no. You're simply processing a flood of emotions and thoughts.

Life threw a curveball your way, and it's normal for your mind to “dabble” in all sorts of strong emotions before it is able to adjust and establish a new equilibrium. Sometimes, it can feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster, swinging between love and hate, hope and despair. That's okay. This is very normal and part of the healing process.

If it ever gets too heavy or you're worried about your mental health, reaching out to a therapist can be a wise step. They can help you sort through the rubble and understand what is happening in your circumstances. But please, if you're having thoughts that scare you, like self-harm or hurting others, dial 911 or your local emergency number right away.

It’s tempting to act rashly right after finding out about betrayal, thinking it might bring relief. But remember, your pain shouldn't lead to self-harm, it is actually a springboard to self-discovery. God has a plan for your healing, and though it seems challenging now, overcoming this darkness will inspire many around you.

God made our brains with the incredible ability to heal. With plenty of prayer, love, and support, your heart and mind can find peace again. Your path won’t be a quick sprint but a steady journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. Seek help from mentors, counselors, or friends.

Remember, feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you're “crazy.” It means you're human, trying to mend what’s been broken and understand how it even happened in the first place. With faith and patience, you'll emerge stronger, showing others the true power of God's love and healing. We know this to be true because it happened to us!

December Editor's Pick

Mastering Graceful Boundaries:
The Christian Woman's Pocket Guide to Talking About Her Marriage After Betrayal 

3 Ways to Set Social Boundaries So You Can Confidently Tell Your Story Without Oversharing or “Throwing Your Husband Under the Bus”

Discover a compassionate and practical guide designed for Christian women navigating the emotional aftermath of betrayal. This pocket guide is your companion in setting social boundaries, enabling you to share your journey without feeling exposed or harming your spouse.

Here's what you'll find inside:

• Real-Life Advice: Learn how to recognize helpful (and not so helpful) behaviors in the people in your life so that you can set boundaries that make you feel supported and respected.

• Confidence Boost: Speak up for your needs among friends, co-workers, and acquaintances with clarity and grace.

• Practical Steps: Follow easy, actionable steps to navigate social situations without feeling overwhelmed.
  

"The tips were helpful! They really helped me see how the people in my life fit in to the categories discussed in the book, and how I can recognize and to set appropriate boundaries so I can feel supported..." -Tiffany Kern, St. Louis, MO

Carrying the weight of infidelity can be overwhelming, whether it's an affair, emotional betrayal, or hidden struggles like pornography. Whether the revelation was a shock or something you sensed, you deserve support and guidance.

Mastering Graceful Boundaries is here to help you through these challenging times. You don't have to face this alone. 

🛒 Get the printer-friendly eBook for $0.99 in our bookstore here.

Upcoming Events

Faith & Fellowship Calls

In the hustle and bustle of life, finding a moment to pause and connect with others can feel like a rare gift. We invite you to carve out an hour for yourself to join our bi-monthly Faith & Fellowship Calls—these sessions are a lifeline for women seeking community, encouragement, and prayer.

These friendly, casual gatherings bring together women at different stages of healing and self-discovery. Whether you're grappling with betrayal or just seeking a safe space to share your story, you're welcome here. Each call is a chance to find solace and strength among those who understand.

We believe in the power of community and how much a supportive environment can mean when navigating difficult times. Our calls with the Ashes Redeemed Community offer a place to build connections and share wisdom with your fellow sisters on this journey.

We'd be delighted to have you join us. To participate simply RSVP inside of our private community and you’ll be able to add the event and call link to your digital calendar.

Not a member yet? No worries! Women are invited to join our private (free) community to participate.

• Tuesday, December 3rd (6PM US Central)

• Thursday, December 19th (10AM US Central)

New Bible Study Coming Soon!

Treasures Through Trials:
Discovering Unexpected Blessings Amidst Betrayal Recovery

Find Hope and Healing with Our 4-Week Bible Study

Are you feeling lost after your husband's betrayal? Understanding your pain is crucial to your faith, healing, and future.

Our upcoming Bible study, "Treasures Through Trials: Uncovering Unexpected Blessings Amidst Betrayal Recovery," is designed specifically to help the woman who finds herself preoccupied with the pain of her circumstances.

Instead of settling for distractions, ruminating on the betrayal, and worrying about the "what if's", women who participate in this study will learn how to find the buried treasure on her journey toward healing and restoration.

Why Choose This Study?

• 4-Week Bible Study
  Short and interactive, it's easy to fit into your life.

• Join from Anywhere
  Log in from any place via Zoom.

• Private Supportive Community
  Engage with others in a safe space, away from social media.

• Weekly Prayer Time
  Share and receive prayers, fostering a comforting environment.

• Connect With Others
  Fellowship with women at various healing stages.

Are you ready to take a step toward healing?

Join our waitlist for dates and more info on how this journey can help you blossom. Dates are coming soon, with sessions made up of Zoom calls plus a welcome meeting. Being part of our private community is free, with a reduced workbook price for live participants.

Embrace this chance. Sign up today and open your heart to recovery and renewal.

Get On the Waitlist Now