Marriage Coaching for Christian Women
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Scroll down to see:
The Ashes Redeemed Blog
Bi-Monthly Faith & Fellowship Zoom Calls
On-Demand Trainings
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The Ashes Redeemed Blog
Not My Fault
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
Galatians 6:7
Part of what I love about being a coach is seeing how powerful my clients become through the work we do together. They're already powerful, but they don't always know that.
Sometimes a client reaches out for help because they believe that they don't have what it takes to break through whatever their barrier is. Sometimes they believe that it's the coach who will do the work for them. They may enter into a relationship with the coach initially believing that as long as they come to the calls or as long as they sign up and answer a few questions, that's really all there is to it. They may believe that all the work that needs to be done in order for them to achieve the outcome they want will actually be done by the coach. Now sometimes there are relationships such as contracting or consulting where the person in a coach-type role will provide more of a tangible deliverable, but as is the case with most coaching, the client is the one doing the work, with the coach being a source of support along the way.
Years ago, I was working with a program where we helped entrepreneurs get their business off the ground. Once the students enrolled they got started right away, and part of the deliverables included access to the training (both live and recorded) and support from the program coaches. As someone who helped to offer live support to the students, I would occasionally encounter a student who seemed to have a misunderstanding about the way the program worked.
It didn't happen often, but there was one particular who student enrolled and appeared to believe that his success was up to us (not him).
This student was given permission by the owner/operator to restart his program four times. And every time he restarted he and I would hop on a call and reestablish his baseline, clarify his goals, and talk about the reasons he really wanted this business to take off.
And during one conversation that I had with him, I asked what would be different this time, here it being his fourth restart. I asked him what kind of support he felt he needed to be successful (since something clearly wasn’t clicking.
He replied, saying, “I need someone to text me and remind me of the calls. If I'm not there, I need someone to call me and ask me where I am. If I don't do the homework, I need someone to get on my case so that I'm forced to finish the work.”
I thought this was actually a very insightful answer for him to give to me. Maybe he didn't realize it at the time, but what he was actually admitting was that he didn't believe he was powerful enough to do any of this on his own. He believed someone else had the power (and the responsibility) to do it for him.
The more we talked, the more I began to see a pattern emerge. He wasn’t taking responsibility for anything. According to him, nothing was his fault, which ultimately meant he was powerless to change anything.
I began to see a little bit of myself in his answer, too. Reflecting on my own life, I certainly can recognize times when I have put an outcome or my success in someone else's hands, only to become immensely frustrated when they didn't deliver. And it's no wonder we'd start to panic or fuss when we feel like it's all out of our control.
Perhaps this is the way your husband or partner has approached his own struggle with lust, or, maybe resonates with you in some other way.
For reflection...
What seeds might you or those around you be inadvertently sowing by avoiding responsibility?
Could there be an area in your life where you're not taking responsibility, maybe because you just simply assumed you couldn’t?
What would it be like to take more ownership in an area like that?
What would it look like to encourage your spouse in taking responsibility for his?
The Ashes Redeemed Blog
Not My Fault
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.
Galatians 6:7
Part of what I love about being a coach is seeing how powerful my clients become through the work we do together. They're already powerful, but they don't always know that.
Sometimes a client reaches out for help because they believe that they don't have what it takes to break through whatever their barrier is. Sometimes they believe that it's the coach who will do the work for them. They may enter into a relationship with the coach initially believing that as long as they come to the calls or as long as they sign up and answer a few questions, that's really all there is to it. They may believe that all the work that needs to be done in order for them to achieve the outcome they want will actually be done by the coach. Now sometimes there are relationships such as contracting or consulting where the person in a coach-type role will provide more of a tangible deliverable, but as is the case with most coaching, the client is the one doing the work, with the coach being a source of support along the way.
Years ago, I was working with a program where we helped entrepreneurs get their business off the ground. Once the students enrolled they got started right away, and part of the deliverables included access to the training (both live and recorded) and support from the program coaches. As someone who helped to offer live support to the students, I would occasionally encounter a student who seemed to have a misunderstanding about the way the program worked.
It didn't happen often, but there was one particular who student enrolled and appeared to believe that his success was up to us (not him).
This student was given permission by the owner/operator to restart his program four times. And every time he restarted he and I would hop on a call and reestablish his baseline, clarify his goals, and talk about the reasons he really wanted this business to take off.
And during one conversation that I had with him, I asked what would be different this time, here it being his fourth restart. I asked him what kind of support he felt he needed to be successful (since something clearly wasn’t clicking.
He replied, saying, “I need someone to text me and remind me of the calls. If I'm not there, I need someone to call me and ask me where I am. If I don't do the homework, I need someone to get on my case so that I'm forced to finish the work.”
I thought this was actually a very insightful answer for him to give to me. Maybe he didn't realize it at the time, but what he was actually admitting was that he didn't believe he was powerful enough to do any of this on his own. He believed someone else had the power (and the responsibility) to do it for him.
The more we talked, the more I began to see a pattern emerge. He wasn’t taking responsibility for anything. According to him, nothing was his fault, which ultimately meant he was powerless to change anything.
I began to see a little bit of myself in his answer, too. Reflecting on my own life, I certainly can recognize times when I have put an outcome or my success in someone else's hands, only to become immensely frustrated when they didn't deliver. And it's no wonder we'd start to panic or fuss when we feel like it's all out of our control.
Perhaps this is the way your husband or partner has approached his own struggle with lust, or, maybe resonates with you in some other way.
For reflection...
What seeds might you or those around you be inadvertently sowing by avoiding responsibility?
Could there be an area in your life where you're not taking responsibility, maybe because you just simply assumed you couldn’t?
What would it be like to take more ownership in an area like that?
What would it look like to encourage your spouse in taking responsibility for his?
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Feel Better Now!
Free Micro-Training to Accelerate Your Healing...
This micro-training is just one small step from our From Betrayal to Breakthrough Program-the clearest and most predictable system for any Christian woman who is serious about finding the clarity she needs to make a decision on what to do after experiencing betrayal in her marriage, so that she doesn't spend the rest of her life with unresolved regret.
Get The Big Picture...
The 9 Steps Every Woman Must Take After Betrayal
Learn what nine steps every woman must take after experiencing betrayal in her marriage so that she is equipped to handle the challenge of making post-betrayal decisions as the most resilient version of herself, to honor her faith and values, without settling.
Other Free Resources
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"I feel like I can actually make a choice. Before I was just a victim of my emotions and now I can recognize that and make better choices."
Carrie T.
"This journey has been helping me let myself be human, but then learning how to be human in a way that honors the Lord."
Andrea P.
"I just thought I was tired and burnt out because I was 60, but really I was tired and burnt out because I was just so angry all the time.."
Margie M.
Introducing
The Healing Accelerator Framework
Feel better right now by using our One Page Healing Accelerator Framework to get immediate relief from the pain, confusion, and fear of regret that comes from discovering betrayal in your marriage, by understanding betrayal's impact the way you see your future.
In this micro training, you'll experience just one small piece of our From Betrayal to Breakthrough program-the clearest & most predictable system for any Christian woman who is serious abut finding the clarity she needs to make a decision on what to do next...
Meet Our Facilitators
Hi there!
Expert in Chiropractise Treatment
We're Elise Park & Jennifer Kwiatkowski. As Christian women who have both overcome issues of betrayal in our own marriages, we know what it's like to face certain challenges that are unique to Believers when it comes to post-betrayal decisions.
As Certified Professional Coaches, we have supported women in their wellbeing endeavors for many years, but our passion for equipping Christian women to live authentically in their faith, while becoming the strongest, most resilient & radiant version of themselves has only grown--especially as we see the devastating effects that our hyper-sexualized culture has on the family unit.
We are blessed to see God work powerfully in the lives and marriages of our clients and are honored to be a part of their healing journeys.
Blessings to you,
Elise & Jennifer
What is From Betrayal to Breakthrough?
The From Betrayal to Breakthrough program is a powerful system for helping Christian women find the clarity they need about their marriage in just 90 days without the obstacles of indecision, self-doubt, or fear of regret--so they can finally feel good about moving forward from the discovery of betrayal in the marriage.
So if you want a crystal clear and predictable roadmap to help you figure out if you want to:
A) confidently stay with your husband and work to restore your marriage, or
B) be at peace with moving on from the relationship,
...then you've found it.
How does it work?
Making a long-term decision about your marriage after betrayal isn't easy. There are three ingredients that every woman in this situation must have in place in order to reach a decision that she feels alined with:
Commitment
Being committed to your own spiritual, emotional, and mental wellbeing is an essential first step in getting the clarity you need to move forward. No one can make this commitment for you--it must come from a deep desire to break free of the pain, confusion, and fear that will otherwise keep you stuck in resentment and anger for the rest of your life.
Just like airline attendants tell the passengers, "In case of emergency, put your own oxygen masks first!" this is essentially what we do in our program--we help you put your own "oxygen mask" on first, so that you can make a decision you feel good about, as the strongest version of yourself.
Support
Countless women have shared their betrayal stories with us and almost all of them have remarked how lonely they've felt while dealing with the pain, despite being active in their church community. It's clear to that the support they've gotten has been either not enough, or the wrong kind. Most often this looks like:
-Help for the man (but not for her)
-"Just" advice: "Just hurry up and forgive him..." or "Just leave already..."
Neither of these truly support the healing and wellbeing for the betrayed wife in her decision on how to handle her next steps.
Remember being told to "Stop, drop, and roll!" in case your clothes ever caught fire?
Other people think they're being supportive by shouting from the sidelines what you should do, but that doesn't work for this kind of situation.
Instead of a drill sergeant, you need support that is sensitive, constructive, and methodical; you need compassionate guides and a roadmap to gently lead you through the phases of what's been and help you create what will be.
Benefiting from this kind of support doesn't have to take a long time, but it must be done with care and intention. (Not screamed at you from the sidelines.)
Discernment
The final ingredient needed to achieve the clarity you're looking for is discernment. We know you have a lot of mental and emotional "noise" right now. In addition to all the external factors (like time, money, friends, and family) you also have internal factors influencing the way you respond to your situation, not to mention the spiritual warfare you're contenting with also.
Being able to distinguish truth from lies is essential for moving forward in your decision, so that you're not living in anger, resentment, or regret for the rest of your life.
How is this different from counseling or therapy?
Counseling, therapy, and coaching are all valid, but different modalities for helping a person make productive changes to their life. Coaching as a form of support has its roots in the world of sports and performance, not mental health. In short, coaching helps you create. Many clients benefit from working with a counselor or therapist while also working with a coach. Coaching is not intended to be crisis management. Ashes Redeemed coaches are Certified Professional Coaches, not licensed counselors or therapists.
For more on how coaching works, read What Is Coaching?
How do I know if this will work for me?
With over a decade of combined experience in supporting women in their wellbeing and marriage difficulties, we have honed our systems down to an exact science.
The best way for both of us to gain 100% confidence that this is the absolute best way for you to approach your post-betrayal decisions is to jump on a short call so we can get clear on the exact steps you should be taking based on your specific background and situation.
Book a call {HERE}.
WHAT OUR CLIENTS SAY
I have a new sense of confidence that I don't think I've really ever had...
Christina M.
Breakthrough client
I value myself enough now in my life for the first time in 42 years that I'm going to say enough is enough.
Carole F.
Breakthrough client
Get In Touch
Email: info@ashesredeemedcom
Address
PO Box 35111
Ferguson, MO 63135
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